If you feel like you should be over your ex by now but somehow keep ending up in the same thoughts, feelings, and patterns, there’s a reason. In this episode, Sarah explains why moving on isn’t simply a matter of giving yourself more time—and why knowing what to do isn’t the same as actually being able to do it. You’ll learn the three things that make lasting change possible: a process, support, and the right community around you. If you’re ready to stop spinning your wheels and finally start creating what comes next, this episode will show you where to begin.
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Speaker 1:
All right. Welcome everybody. Hi, I'm Sarah Kernols. I am so happy that you decided to spend this time with me. We're going to do a lot. We're going to do a lot in three days. I hope you're ready. You don't have to always be ready, but you're at least willing, so I appreciate you for being here. All right, come on in, come on in. Let's go ahead and get the chat going. I use the chat throughout these classes, so you can drop in the chat where you are calling from and one word for how you're feeling today. When I ask how you're feeling, what I'm interested in is what is the emotion that's present for you? And I mean that as not just like I'm better or I'm fine. I want you to actually take a moment to check in words and identify what feeling is coming up for me right now, whether that's anxiety, nervousness, grief.
You can go ahead and put those in the chat.
Maybe you're also feeling numb or you're feeling excited to be here. All of those feelings are welcome. The reason I always ask, I ask this at the beginning of almost every class I do, because when we start being able to identify how we're feeling, we start to know ourself a little bit better. And there's a lot that we can do when we know where we are, how we're feeling, all of that. Emily says feeling trepidation. Welcome. Bob says, feeling better, a little anxious. Terry says, Louisville. Did I pronounce it right? Louisville. Excited to be here. Welcome. Erin says, grief and pain. Feeling a little anxious. Mark in Greenville. Numb towards healing, mixed with a bit of guilt. Welcome all of it. Karen says, feeling anxious, but curious. From Raleigh. Eileen says, sad and anxious. Welcome to all of it. All right.
And I'm curious, who's here for the very first time? Who has not been to any of my classes yet? If you're here for the first time, put in the chat first. If you've been here with me before, wonderful. First, first, first, first, first. Welcome. Welcome all my first timers. If you've been here before, let me know. And what's the word I want to give to my people that have been here before? Give me a, let's say repeat. Repeat. Been here before. All right. I think we have a nice mix of both. Okay. And I'm still letting people in from the waiting room. Hi, Adam.
All right. So let me bring everybody on board. We're going to start with a little bit of housekeeping just so that we're all on the same page. We're here for three days. So one hour a day starting today, we've got an hour today at noon Eastern Time. We've got an hour tomorrow, Saturday at noon, and then Sunday for an hour at noon. So we are going to do a lot of work together. You might want to have a notepad handy, or if you prefer to just be present, I welcome that. You're going to get the replay, don't worry. So if you want to go back and take notes the second time, you are more than welcome to do it that way as well. Whatever works best for you. All right? So I am going to be asking and checking in with you throughout today. This is going to be a lot of me teaching.
So if you've been to some of my meetups before, if you've never been to them before, I have a variety of different styles of the ways that I do this. I'm going to be teaching throughout this because it's a workshop, but I do want you to keep things going in the chat. What I want you to use the chat is for two things. The first thing is to track your aha moments. If you have a moment where you're like, oh, that, that thing that Sarah just said or this idea I just had, it inspired something in me or I'm seeing things in a different way, I want you to drop that in the chat because when you write it down, you're going to remember it, but it's also helping everybody else to remember it too. So first way to use the chat is to share your aha moments.
Second, well, I should say there are three ways because second way is I'm going to be asking you questions throughout. I want you to participate. I want you to be active. Sometimes we can split our attention to 800 different places. I know I'm guilty of that sometimes. I want you to be here with me for this hour. So I'm going to be asking you questions, getting you to participate, getting you to reflect. So second way is you're going to use the chat for interaction. The third way you're going to use the chat is for questions. All right. So you can go ahead and hang on one second.
All right. Okay, hang on one moment. There we go. Because I do my own admin, I had to get out. There was a thing in the chat I had to delete. All right. So bring in some other people in from the waiting room. Awesome. Great. So we're going to use the chat for aha moments for interaction and for questions. All right? What we're talking about today is why you still might be holding on and why you might still be feeling stuck. So we're going to create some clarity today. We're going to create some space. We're going to move through a lot of different information. We're going to go through something different every day. This whole weekend is going to build on itself. So I'm not repeating anything from any of the days you're going to get something new. What you get today is going to be the foundation for tomorrow, which will be the foundation for Sunday.
All right, so please come back. Please keep getting this because this is how you progress is when we build on it the way that we're going to be doing for the next three days. So what I want you to be doing today is to be thinking.
Actually, I'm just going to set this sort of as my objective. My objective by the end of today, I want you to have some clarity about why you're stuck and what you've been holding onto that maybe you're ready to let go of. By the end of the day, I want to have created some space for you because within that space is where we start to create power. We start to create the ability to choose what we want instead of feeling like we're always at the whim of things being chosen for us. All right? So stay with me all three days. Today is about awareness and release. Tomorrow is about rewiring our patterns. And day three is about reinvention and how do we move forward from here? So stay with me all three days. And I want you as you go through this to really be thinking, how do I apply this for myself?
Because I don't know if anybody here does Peloton. I love the instructors. One of my favorites is Dennis. And something that Dennis says in his classes is I'll make suggestions, you make decisions. And I always find that that's actually a very accurate way of how I approach teaching and how I approach coaching. I love Peloton, right, Michelle? So I'm going to be making suggestions. You make decisions. All right. You decide how you want to be using it. All right, so let me tell you a little bit, if we're meeting for the first time, I know I have a lot of first timers here, and I have some people here that have been with me before. I want to share my story because it's really how I got here. It's why I do this work. It's why I'm passionate about it. So like I said, my name is Sarah Kernels and I'm a certified life coach.
I've been a coach for nine years, and I was in a relationship for four and a half of those years. I was with somebody that I thought I was building my life with. I thought he and I were going to get married, have kids, buy a house. And we had actually been looking at engagement rings. And then he came to me one day and he said, "Sarah, I love you. I just don't see a life with you anymore." And that shattered me because I'd given up everything to be with this person, or at least it felt like I had. I was making so many compromises in order to stay in that relationship. He wasn't comfortable with the risk of being an entrepreneur, so I gave up my business and I had it on the back burner. I had coaching as a side gig that was nice that I did on the side of a day job that was incredibly stressful.
He didn't really like traveling all that much, so we didn't travel all that much. I had given up all these parts of myself in order to stay in the relationship, walking on eggshells, trying to keep him happy. And when that relationship ended, I thought I had done everything right and I still didn't get the happy ending. What the F? That's not how this is supposed to work. I'm supposed to do all the compromises and then I get the reward. And what I found was that's not how life works. I came face-to-face with those moments when you're down on your knees and you're like, "I have a choice here. I get to decide how I'm going to move forward from this. And I could go about this breakup the way I've done every breakup in my past. I could mope. I could throw myself into self-help.
I could beat myself up and replay every fight and figure out what did I do wrong and what were the red flags I ignored?
Or I could figure out a different way to do this." And I chose that because I knew what the other one was going to get me. I knew the other one was going to get me a lot of situational depression, and eventually I was going to go running back to him. And I didn't want to do that. And I was like, "I don't even know what the other way is, but I'm going to figure it out." And I started testing a lot of things. I started using my coaching tools in a new way. I used them on myself in kind of experimental ways different from how I'd been taught. And what I found was there's actually a process to how you get over a breakup. And nobody is talking about how you actually use a breakup in order for it to be the launching pad for you living the life that you most want to be living.
Because what I found for myself and for a lot of the clients I've worked with, most of us are living a life kind of capped on what we think we should want. We're like, "I'll go for 90% good.
I don't really think 100%'s possible, so I'm just going to dial it down." And what that ends up being is a really unsatisfying life. And I truly think sometimes these breakups, these divorces, this end of a relationship that you're experiencing is happening at this moment for a reason, not for what people say it's for, but because you are ready for more than what you had in that relationship. Your life wants to be more than just what you had. And I know I get people here who are coming to me after 20-some years, 30-some years in a relationship. And they're like, "What do you mean more? I believe that you are here and you are here for more. And you are allowed to want it and to go after it. And this is your opportunity to build a life in the shape of you. Not what somebody says it should look like, not what you think you're supposed to want, but truly a life in the shape of you.
And that's going to look different for everybody. So what I found for me was I wanted to be my own boss. I wanted to have my own business. So I kept growing my coaching business. I kept helping people after their breakups. This business got so big, I quit my day job and I'd get to do this full-time. And then I brought back travel, which was always been something I've wanted to do more of, but now I travel the world. I pet sit as a way to get to see new places and explore new towns and meet people. And I get to combine my two favorite things to create a life that has me so lit up. Absolutely, Michelle. I think we all kind of need the permission. We just need to be reminded that it's okay to want more. It's okay.
And so that's really wonderful. It's a perfect reflection. Thank you for sharing that. All right. So I am just sending a note to the people in the waiting room because I close this room 10 minutes after we start because we've now created a container of what we're building together. They'll get the replay. This is something that we are going to use this momentum. If you heard my story and you were like, oh, that's really interesting. That's really cool. Even if it just opens the door of it's possible to go through this breakup and to be okay on the other side, it's possible to reclaim my life. I just want to have that crack. And together we're going to make that crack a little bit bigger so that we can get more space in there so that you get to see what's possible on the other side.
Okay. All right. So today we're talking about why you're feeling stuck.
So you are not stuck because of the person that you lost, because of the life or the dream that you lost, or the relationship. You're not stuck because you don't love yourself enough. I hate when I hear that one. What's causing this stuck is that you're carrying stuff that you don't need to be carrying anymore. And we're going to get into that. So I want to hear from you, what is the painful story you're telling yourself about the breakup? This might feel like a vulnerable ask I'm making. I'm asking you to share something that maybe feels a little vulnerable to say it out loud, saying the thing of did they ever really love me? Or I'm a terrible picker. Or if he could do that to me, I meant nothing. Or I'm trying to remember. I had a really good one the other day. I'm discardable.
Or I must not be lovable. These stories that we create about ourselves because of the breakup. What is the story that you are carrying and you're not alone? That's the thing is every time I ask this question in a room, I get the same stories over and over and over again.
She said, "I have bad traits and does not want me anymore. I wasn't worthy of being chosen, easily discarded. It all felt like a lie, and he was using me as a stepping stone to get what he really wanted. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me." Yep, that's usually on my list too. Thank you for saying it, Lisa. I hear that one a lot. "I lost the best thing that ever happened to me and no wonder he didn't want me. I have nothing. "Yeah, these stories hurt and they hurt ourself. They don't hurt the ex, they actually hurt us. The pain is being created here at home. It's like scream, the movie, the calls coming from inside the house. Charles says," I am afraid of being alone and getting depressed. Hurts when someone does not want us. I don't have closure. I wonder if I missed the signs years earlier.
Wonderful job, everybody. You are doing a great job.
I messed up, but I feel like I don't deserve to be forgiven. I feel like I deserve to be forgiven. Doesn't want me anymore. My faults hurt that I hurt her. She wasn't perfect either. It hurts to know she's with someone else. Totally. Oh, they're coming in now. They're coming in. I carried his burdens with him to help him move forward. Oh, Sarah, you are saying my story. Yep. And he left. He came back to do it again. I felt his problems were mine. I feel betrayed. I wonder if it was me. If she loved bombing, use me. I broke up with someone who was hands down the best person I've been. I messed up something very rare once in a lifetime. Yeah, feel all that. As people are telling you this story or as you're hearing other people's stories, do you feel a little bit of your own as well?
Is there a piece that you're getting from everybody that you're like, oh, I can see myself in that. I can see myself in that. I can see myself in that. Yeah. Right. And isn't it weird that when we have this story, it's running through our head. It feels like it's mine. It feels like I'm the only one that feels this way. I'm alone in this. It's so isolating.
It's almost that shame speaking of don't let anybody know that you're carrying this because it's your burden to carry. It has this really nasty way of breaking you down. So what happens when we have these stories? What happens when we have these stories is that we think these stories are going to be the thing that protects us. I must just be unlovable and I'm going to use that so I never get heartbroken again. And so my dream of what I really want is I really want to be in a loving relationship where my person looks at me and they light up when I walk in the room. If I'm unlovable, that's not really possible. So I'm going to go for that 75%, maybe 90. I'm going to go lower than what I think. I'm going to alter how I perceive this.
Or we ruminate on it. We use it to beat ourself up. We use it to create a punishment for ourselves because we feel like we're doing penance for something. We use it to beat ourself up, to keep ourself small, to keep ourself from risking again, almost to self-manage, self-navigate what's going on of this is how I'm going to stay on course. This is how I'm going to see the red flag next time. We use it as this management system, but instead really all that it's doing is it's creating more and more pain. That rumination, that questioning yourself is creating a lot of self-attack, which does not feel good. And when we're in the self-attack, we're not really motivated to find a way to feel better. It just is sort of like a downward spiral of it keeps us going down, down, down, down, down. Okay.
Can you see that? Can you see the pattern of the self-attack? And can you see how it brings you down? Give me a yes in the chat if you can see it.
Great. Awesome. Awesome. Good. We're on the same page. Okay, perfect. Okay. So I'm going to put that there and we're going to come back to it. But now I want you to picture a room. Be your living room, be bedroom, whatever, guest room. Okay? I want you to picture a room and you're ready to redecorate this room. So it's currently being used, so it currently has furniture in it. If it's a living room, you've got your easy chair, you've got your coffee table, you've got your sofa, you've got your TV. Maybe there's a console. Maybe you're like me and you've got a record player or you've got a bookcase. You've got stuff that's keeping this room full.
When it comes to a breakup, we're kind of thinking of, I'm going to fix this room. I want you to think of this room as an analogy for your life. So something has happened that you're like, "I'm going to change this bedroom. Something's got to change. I got to redecorate it." Now, if this is an analogy for your life during the breakup, something big has just happened and your life is changing because of it. And what's the advice most people get? Stay busy and distract yourself. Throw yourself into work or get a revenge body and go to the gym all the time. Or people will say something like, "Just love yourself more and you'll be all right." Or, "Get back out there and start dating again or just give it time. Time heals all wounds." All right. This is terrible advice. It is shitty advice.
I think we can all agree. It feels awful to get this advice because it feels like it's the equivalent of saying any of that stuff to a room that you're redecorating. You mean I'm going to redecorate this room if I just love it more? I just have to learn how to love the room more and it's going to be better. Or I just give it time and it just magically fixes itself. Or maybe if I just leave the room and I get distracted doing other things, I will, I don't know, like the room more when I come back to it. No, you come back and the room's still the same. The room hasn't changed just because you gave it time or you got distracted or you tried to practice to love it more. The room is still something that's going to change. You want to change it.
And I think the other thing, the idea of just jump into dating and distract yourself and you'll get over it. It's the equivalent of trying to redecorate a room that's already full and you're bringing in more furniture already without cleaning out the room first. Because that's what has to happen. To redecorate a room, you can't redecorate it. You can't bring in new furniture until you clean it out. You have to see the space. And we have to learn what do we want to do at this space? What is the purpose we want to give it? What's the feel of it? How do I want to feel when I'm in this room? What do I want to be doing in this room? Do I still want it to be a living room? Do I still want it to be a place where I can sit and relax and watch some TV or read a book?
So I want to approach today like we're redecorating that room. Today is going to be a day where we're going to do a little bit of clearing out. Now, some things that we're clearing out, let's talk about what we could be clearing out. The stuff that's actually keeping us stuck, the problem here, it's not the person and it's not the relationship that you had. It's the stories that we're telling about ourselves after the relationship that's keeping us stuck. And it's the beliefs that we have about ourself, about love that's also keeping us stuck and emotional residue.
And what I mean by that are the unfelt feelings. I get a little cursey when I get excited. So I'm going to say it's the shit you're avoiding. That's the emotional residue. The shit you're avoiding feeling. That stuff doesn't go away just because we ignore it or we pretend it's not there or we stuff it down or we distract ourselves. It stays like residue, like peeling off a sticker from a shampoo bottle or something. Just that residue. Or I should say, I was born in the '80s. Remember when you would get a CD for anybody who remembers buying CDs and you would rip off the sticker and it had that sticky feeling all over the CD forever.
We create all these stories, these beliefs, and we have this emotional residue. That's what we are going to be clearing a little bit of today. Because what I want to start bringing into focus is that it's not actually about the person. It's about how you got to feel in that relationship, who you got to be, the dreams you got to have. And guess what? You get to keep all of that. We're going to learn how to do that. That's a skill. That's a way to shift our focus, but we got to clear out some old stuff first. All right? So before we get into the how of how we're going to be doing that a little bit today, I want to talk about why this matters. Why do I do things in this way? Why do I start with this process of letting go and clearing space first?
And why don't I just sort of rush into, well, let's just dive into the mind and let's get into the mindset of it all. I don't jump into that. I actually think it's really important to clear some space first. And it's because of what I was saying of you can't bring new furniture into a full room. If what you want in your life going forward, if what you want is you want healthy love, or you want a full life, maybe you want a big life, you want more, anything you want in your life, we have to create space so that you can have it. Okay? And letting go actually gives you power. And I'm going to talk about power a little bit this weekend, but when I talk about power, what I mean is the ability to influence. And we have to be able to influence ourself.
So we have to have the decision, the wherewithal to say, I'm going to let go of some stuff and I'm going to be making some choices for some other things.
And right now what's happening for a lot of people at this phase is that your ex or your relationship is still having a lot of influence over you. It feels like it has power over you because what has your attention has power. If you're giving your attention to your acts of they left, they were the love of my life, they were the best thing. Even the way that that sentence is phrased, it puts them at the center, which puts them in the power position of your life. Okay? We want to have you in that power position where you get to make the choices for your life, where you get to have the influence, where you are deciding yes or no to whatever comes.
And letting go isn't about Them. It's about putting you in the power position of your own life. If you want to be the focal point of your own life, if you want to be at the position where you are the one choosing what's going to happen next, where you go, what you want to do, how you want to take your coffee or make your eggs in the morning, give me a me in the chat. If you want to be in that center position. Yes. Awesome. Awesome. Good. Good. I'm glad. I'm glad. I'm glad. I've got people here who want to be in that place. You are in the right place.
All right. So how do we know what we let go of? We can't let go of what we're not aware of. So a lot of this work is about increasing your awareness because if you can see it, you can decide what you want to do about it. And you can't release what you're not aware of. Have you ever had an experience where maybe you go to a physical therapist or a chiropractor or a massage therapist and they work their magic? They do their thing. And you walk out of there and you're like, I did not know I had been in so much pain. I just got used to carrying that pain and that sore muscle and that ache. And now that they did their thing and I'm realigned, I don't have that pain anymore. And I didn't even realize how bad it had gotten. Has anybody had that experience before?
You can give me a yes in the chat if you've had that.
Oh, maybe that one's just me. Okay. Okay. Not just me. A couple of us. All right. As human beings, we adapt. We are so adaptable. We take on burdens and we adapt to it as if it's nothing. So when I was in my relationship, I got so used to putting him first. I remember, because he worked from home and I worked in an office, so I would have to come in. And I just remember the mental pep talk I would have with myself before walking in the door of, okay, don't burden him right away with your troubles. Make this as easy as possible for him. Let him have space. He might still be working through his day.
Let him. Yeah, eggshells. Michelle says eggshells. Totally. The pep talk I would have and the eggshells I would be walking on and the way that I wrapped my priorities around him. And what's funny is he would say the same thing about me. We were doing it to each other, which is funny. But the amount of brain space, my physical energy, my mental energy, my emotional energy that went into him and the relationship, I hit a point a couple weeks after our breakup where I realized how much of my physical energy, my mental energy and all of that was going to him. And that was my light bulb moment of, oh my gosh, the amount of time I was putting towards that, I wasn't even aware. Because it's kind of like, you know how they say the way to boil a frog is you put a frog in a pot of lukewarm water and you turn it up only by one degree at a time because the frog adapts to the temperature of the water around it.
If it goes up too fast, the frog jumps out. But little by little, you can get that water to boiling and the frog won't move because it just adapts to the water temperature. That's what it was. I was just adapting to how much I had to think about him and consider him to put him first. I was doing it little by little. I wasn't aware of it until after the breakup. And I was like, whoa. And that truly was where the idea for a business came from of I was putting so much into that. I could run an entire business with the amount of time and energy I put into him. I mean, you could learn a language, you could travel the world, you could have a new side hustle, you could go for a promotion.
You name it, whatever you want to do, I bet you are putting enough energy into that relationship that when you reclaim it, you can really put it towards something big. Yes. So Sarah says, eventually we become like each other and we start doing the negative things too to them and self. Totally. Totally. So today isn't about, we're not going to be fixing everything. That's not what today is because there's actually nothing to fix. We just want to learn what's ready to go. What are we ready to let go of so that we can clear some space so that we have a little bit of room to work with? A says, "I was putting a lot into it, but I know they were to me too, and they were probably putting in more than me. Hey, that's all right. It's all right. But I bet there's some energy for you to reclaim." It's a relationship.
We put stuff into each other, but with the relationship ended, your life hasn't ended. So you have an opportunity. You have an opportunity ahead of you to create what's next. And we can't jump into creating what's next without this step.
And this isn't meant to disrespect them at all. And I would say I think I created this method, this whole method that you're going to learn over these three days because my ex and I love each other a lot. We just are not compatible long-term. We are not good partners for each other. We loved each other a lot, but love wasn't enough. He didn't do anything wrong. He came to me and had an honest conversation, and he doesn't have anything I could point a finger at. I've been cheated on before. I've had exes that did some terrible stuff, and it was always really easy to point the finger at like it was their fault. Being able to blame somebody. And people say this a lot of it's easier if I could blame somebody or if somebody had cheated or done something bad. Or they say it would be easier if they just died because then I would have that closure.
Not that I want them dead, but it would just be easier. And I started to think, why do we say that? Why would it be easier if they were dead? It's because of the finality of it and we have to create space. Yeah. Azing. I've said that a lot. A lot of people say it to me a lot. And so I couldn't blame him for anything. And I was like, I can't get out of this. I'm going to have to just grieve it and I'm going to have to figure out how do I move on. So that's really where this came from. So if you're like me, if you're like A, and you've been saying, I kind of just wish they had died, that would've been easier. I got you. You can love somebody and know that they're not right for you and still choose yourself.
That's not disrespectful to them, that's not dishonoring. It's actually probably the best thing you could do because if they love you, they want you to be happy eventually. So we're not skipping anything with this process. We're just creating some space for you because you are here with me. You are the one I care about. That's what I'm interested in. So we are going to do a little experiential exercise together. This is one of my favorite things that I get to teach and I get to help people with, and it's really all about clearing some space. So this is going to be a guided visualization exercise that we do. And if you're going to listen to the recording, you can come back and you can do this over and over and over again. We're not going to get it all in one pass, but it's something that you can keep coming back to and keep doing for yourself.
Okay. So it's great. So we are about, I'm going to say if you're going to re-watch this, we're about 39 minutes in, so you can find that in the recording and you can just keep redoing it for yourself. I want you to find someplace. We're not in it just yet. We're just going to do a little bit of a pre-moment to get yourself set up. I want you to find yourself somewhere comfortable.
Somewhere where you can put your feet on the floor and you can sit back in a chair. I want you to be able, we're going to close our eyes in a moment. I want you to be able to just settle into something. Okay? You're not going to have to take notes. There's nothing you're going to have to see. We're going to just do a couple minutes where you get to be just with yourself. All right, so go ahead and get comfortable. Sit back in your chair and close down your eyes if that feels good to you.
And if that doesn't feel accessible today, you can just lower your gaze and look at the end of your nose. Good. Just for a moment, we're going to settle in with your breath, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Using those exhales to let go of anything that came before this and anything you have going on after. You are taking a couple moments just for you. Letting your body settle in the chair. Maybe lean back, feeling the back of your chair, or feeling the backs of your legs in the seat. Letting your body be heavy and soft as if you're giving 10% more of your body weight over to gravity.
Good. And what we're going to do is a little bit of a clean out, much like maybe you do a seasonal cleaning, like a spring cleaning or a fall deep clean in your house where you go through and you get all the dusty corners. The stuff that maybe you don't do on a regular basis, but you're going to do a deep clean. We're going to do a little mental, energetic, physical, emotional spring cleaning. So in your mind's eye, I want you to get your cleaning basket. This is what we're going to use to collect everything that's ready to go. So maybe you've got a laundry basket or a wicker basket, but picture yourself holding a basket in your mind's eye.
And what I'm going to do is I'm going to guide you through a body scan where you'll go through and you're going to collect anything that's ready to go. This might not be the most logical exercise and that's okay. You might not see real things. You might see symbols. You might just be collecting energy. You might be collecting dust. You might be collecting stuff. Maybe there's stuff that they left behind and it feels like it got hooked into you. But trust yourself. What comes to you is correct. There is no wrong way to do this. Some people see this in images. Some people it's just a feeling. Some people are more auditory. Whatever way it comes to you is correct. And even if nothing comes to you, you're still doing it right.
So I want you to take your basket and we're going to start from the top of your head. And I want you to imagine scooping up anything from your head that no longer serves you, that feels like it's weighing you down, feels like it's ready to go. I want you to collect it up. You can collect it with your hands. You could sweep it. You can have a duster. Collect all of that up and put it in the basket. Sweeping, dusting, getting all the edges and corners. Anything that feels like it's ready to go. Good.
Moving down to your throat area. Collecting. Gathering. Putting it all together. Putting it in the basket. Sweep, sweep, sweep. Could be energy. Might not even feel real. Just gathering up the old or the stagnant. Moving down to your chest and your heart space and your lungs. Collecting anything that feels heavy. Maybe you don't even know what it is. You don't have to examine it, just put it in the basket. That can go. Or that feels old. That feels heavy. I don't need that anymore. That feels dusty. Maybe it's something that's been around a long, long time that's ready to be let go of.
Collecting all the corners, wiping down the baseboards, getting the cobwebs. Good. Coming down through your solar plexus. So that place sort of in the middle of your body. For women, it's right around where your bra strap sits. It's kind of right around your ribs, your rib cage. Collecting in that space there, collecting in the space around your belly, collecting it all up, gathering it up, putting it in the basket. And somehow this basket continues have space. You can keep filling it up. There's plenty of space in that basket for everything and anything. Gathering it up, moving down to your pelvic region, cleansing that area, cleaning out any old energy, pulling out any attachments, clearing out the cobwebs.
Anything that's like, huh, that's not even mine. I'm clearing that out. I'm putting it in the basket. Creating space, creating space. Beautiful. Coming down hips and thighs. Getting all the corners. Good, good, good, good, good. Working your way down your legs, all the way down through your feet and toes. Good. I'm doing one final pass. Any area of your body I might've missed or the area around your body. Clearing it all out. Checking those final corners, clearing the spaces, even corners that maybe you forgot you had. Anything that feels old, ready to go, ready to be released, where it's stagnant, heavy, or deadening.
Collecting it all in your basket. Wonderful job. You're going to, in your mind's eye, place the basket in front of you. And I want you to gather everything you collected and you're going to pack it into a ball. So gather and pack it, gather and pack it, pack it, pack it down. It could be whatever size ball you want, whatever kind of ball. It could be a baseball, it could be a tennis ball, it could be a basketball or a beach ball. Anything's fine. Pack it all in. Now that you have this in ball form, you decide what you want to do with it.
Do you want to flick it away? Do you want to blow it away like you're blowing dandelion fluff? Do you want to kick it? Do you want to hurl it into the sea? Smash it to dust. Light it on fire. Go ahead and do that now. Whatever you want to do with it. You are not keeping this energy. You are not keeping this. It's not yours. Let it go. Watch it going off into the distance. Watch it turning to dust. Watch it go up and smoke. Getting smaller and smaller and smaller until it's totally gone.
And take a moment now to notice what feels different within yourself. What shifted? What do you notice? Do you have more space? More peace or more ease? Do you feel a little lighter? Did you let something go? Maybe you let go of something you didn't even know that you were carrying. Well noticed. And we're going to take one more breath here. We're going to do a collective breath together to lock this in and to step into this space that you just created for yourself. We're going to do that together on the count of three. One, two, three. Big inhale and exhale.
Good. And you're going to slowly wake up your body in your own time by wiggling fingers and toes first, making those small movements. And slowly as you're ready, opening your eyes back to the call. Welcome back. Welcome back. Okay. I am very curious because this goes different for everybody. What do you notice now? I'm glad it was awesome, Michelle. So what was that like for you? What did you experience? What do you notice now? Is anybody getting more space? Did anybody feel like they let go of something? Sarah said, "I feel lighter. Amazing. How much?" And I had to made a clearer way while I was holding. Definitely feel lighter. Yeah. Oh my God, the first time I did this, it was like, "I feel like I let go of decades of stuff.
Lighter, more peaceful, lighter. You're welcome. Yeah. I mean, whatever your experience, like I said, sometimes this is a different experience for different people. Everybody, every single one of you here is going to have experienced something different with this, and that's okay. It's okay that you still thought about them. Yeah. So Erin said, I still though about them still during this. It's crazy. It's okay. It's okay. We are going to talk about it more tomorrow, but we don't have to make it a problem that we think about them. It's actually, it's kind of expected and normal to think about somebody that you cared about and that you were with for a period of time. It's okay.
Yeah. So that is a really common problem. So Erin's saying in the chat, "It feels like I'll never stop thinking about her." That's usually where we're creating the problem of like, "Oh, I should be thinking about them because then I'll never stop thinking about them. I promise you we're going to talk about this tomorrow, and it's going to make some changes for a lot of people. So I'm so glad that you're bringing this up because it's almost like you're setting me up to talk about tomorrow. It's like you knew, but I want to close this part out first." So Adam says, "I feel like I've made more space for new things for people. Yeah, I wasn't sure if I was kicking this stuff away or deeper in me. Kept bringing it back and pushing it out again. Okay, that's all right. That's okay. Guess what?
You're going to get a recording of this. You can download it. You can keep it. You can come back and do it over and over and over again.
So I want you to create a sentence that you're going to get to keep for you to lock in this feeling that you have right now. Something to remind you of what this feels like to have a little bit of space. Something, a sentence that is centered on you. Something it could be like this space is mine and I get to keep it. I release what no longer belongs to me. I am safe to let go. Ooh, Sarah says, I am free. That's a great one. Yeah. So create a sentence for yourself right now. Because here's the thing about space. Nature abhorres a vacuum. Nature wants to fill this space. We do not want to fill this space with the stuff that we just got rid of. We want to choose what we put in the space. Oh, that's actually a really good one. I choose what goes in this space.
So maybe it feels good to think of what would I rather be thinking about or what would I rather be using this space for? You don't have to have an answer for that, but if that helps you to choose, I would rather spend my time thinking about. I was really late to the game here. I just saw Project Mary or Project Hail Mary for the first time a week or two ago. I can't stop thinking about it. I'd rather fill my space with thinking about Project Hail Mary. I was really late to the game on that one.
But again, you get to choose. I'm going to still be alive. Yes. Yeah. I can breathe and be free. Ooh, I feel that one. So good. Wonderful job, everybody. Okay. So for tomorrow, oh my gosh, it's like the last 15 minutes just went by in literally a blink of an eye. All right. I want you to keep thinking. Figure out what your sentence is. This is your homework. You want to figure out what do I want to be putting in this space? Or what do I need to put to protect the space? I'm going to put some guardrails here of I'm not going to put thoughts of them in this space. I'm going to choose to think of myself. I'm going to choose to think about how I feel. I'm going to choose to think about how I would rather feel. Okay? I'm going to tell myself stories that feel better.
Tomorrow is where we really start to make some change. Tomorrow, I am totally focusing on how do we use this space to reclaim your power? And power, once again, is the ability to influence. Okay? This is how we start steering the ship for you, not based on anybody else, not based on your past, not based on bad beliefs that make you feel awful about yourself. All right? So I cannot wait for you to get this to continue to build because this is just the beginning. This is where we start. We're going to keep going. We're building that momentum. We're going to use this space and we're putting you in it. All right? Because you are going to create some really wonderful things with this. I just know it. All right, everybody, I cannot wait to see you tomorrow. Thank you for the celebrations. All right, have a lovely rest of the day.
Enjoy the space. Drink some water. I can't wait to see you all tomorrow. You're welcome. You're welcome. Oh, I'm so glad. All right. Bye.