In this episode, Sarah shares how to honor endings with intention and grace, so you can find peace, closure, and the strength to open a new beginning. You’ll learn simple ways to release what’s over, reclaim your energy, and trust that letting go is part of your growth.
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Speaker 1 (00:44):
Hi there friends. Sarah Curnoles here, and I have a question for you. Do you ever find yourself wondering, why is it so hard to let go and move on? Or maybe you think, why is it that we just tend to rush past the ending of things? We tend to skip the goodbye and do what they call the Irish exit where you leave without saying goodbye or people ghost each other, or we get into that pattern of distracting ourself from something that ended and we move on too fast. Do you ever wonder why that is? That's what we're going to be talking about today. We're going to be talking about endings and how to honor them in a way that feels really good so that you leave this episode with a sense of peace, with the ability to create your own closure and with new practices that can create a better way to end things in a way that feels really good.
(01:48)
I have been thinking about this a lot because as you know, if you've been listening for a while, I've been traveling through the UK for a few months and my time there has come to an end and I am coming back to the states and figuring out my next move and am figuring out some new rhythms of what I want to take away from that experience and apply to my life going forward. And let me tell you the truth, I have been having so many feelings about it. I've been crying. I have been basically throwing some temper tantrums. I don't want to go home. I've delayed it actually a little bit. I've delayed it twice. And yeah, I'm in a lot of resistance around that chapter coming to an end. And that's what really got me thinking about how often we do this with our relationships of whether you chose the relationship to end or not.
(02:53)
We can get into this resistance of like, I don't want it to end. I don't want to let go. I don't want to move on. And what can we do to help ourselves go through that period with as much gentleness and kindness as possible? So we are going to be talking about what does it mean to honor an ending and why do we have so much trouble with this? Well, and I think part of it is because as a culture, we actually don't have a whole lot of rituals or practices or habits even about bringing things to a nice ending, especially here in America. We always want to rush on to like what's next? What's next, what's next? And we always think that whatever's next is going to be bigger and better. And we really do spend a lot of energy on glorifying new beginnings and new chapters, and we really avoid the period where we grieve the ending of something and we take some time to slow down and reflect and evaluate and really give something an ending that it deserves.
(04:14)
So if you think about how many times you're going through your breakup, either told yourself this or somebody has told you you should just get over it or you should be over it by now or you should just move on or get into the next relationship, or even messaging around things like get a revenge body or whatever the next thing is, it's always focused on what to do next. Do never really about taking the time to reflect and slow down and let go. The other reason why I think this happens is that what's really going on when we hang on to what we had is we're suffering from a fear of change. And that shows up in a few ways of we are afraid deep down to embrace something new. So we hold on to what was there also a fear? There's also this fear and it comes from scarcity of, well, what if that was my last chance?
(05:26)
What if that's the last great love of my life? Or no one's ever going to love me or know me that way ever again? And we hang onto that as maybe those were my glory days. And that's as good as it's going to get. And that's really coming from a place of scarcity thinking that there won't be another opportunity, there won't be something bigger and better out there for you. It's very focused on the past instead of being in the present moment because in the present moment is the reality that the relationship is over, and that can be really scary.
(06:08)
But what happens when we are avoiding the present moment is that we get really stuck in that energy of facing backwards and it makes it even harder to move forward, right? It's not always about the moving forward. It's not about, like I said, it's not about the next thing to do or you have to do something, but it's about honoring where you are right now in this moment and accepting what is. And once we do that, make space for whatever comes next, we don't get to what's next before we make the space. We have to make the space in order to have what's next. Think about it like you're redecorating your bedroom. You can't bring in a new bed if you haven't gotten rid of the old one yet there's not space in most bedrooms for two beds.
(07:11)
So what we want to do is we want to honor the ending instead. Instead of rushing to what's next or ignoring it or pretending like it didn't happen. And so what do I mean when I say honoring the ending? So I want us to define honoring as acknowledging what was feeling, what's true and what's present for you right now, and then choosing what's next with intention. Okay? So let's break this down into the energetic pieces or the emotional pieces that you're going to go through. I guess it's both energetic and emotional. So there is going to be a piece to the honoring that will be about grief. We are grieving that something is over. This was really true for me as I was ending my trip. I was in so much grief that this really amazing experience was coming to an end. And it's interesting how many people try to comfort your grief by like, well, this isn't the ending.
(08:28)
You can always come back, you're going to do something else, right? They're trying to skip over the grief. And I knew I have to grieve that this is the closing of this particular chapter, that this section of what I was doing is coming to a close and that needs to be felt. So grief is going to be a part of your honoring. You're also going to want to take time and make space for gratitude. It's not just about what's over. It's also about taking stock, about what do you have to be grateful for? Even in a relationship that wasn't great, you were in that relationship for a reason. So I bet there are elements of that, that you are grateful for that. And at the very least, even if it was an awful, terrible, horrible relationship, you're going to have some gratitude for knowing what you don't want to experience ever again. You're going to have a lot more clarity than you did before over the kinds of qualities or the kinds of behaviors or the treatment that you never want to experience in a relationship ever. Again, bare minimum, you have that to be grateful for that kind of clarity.
(09:46)
But you can also look at what did this person or this experience, what did it teach you about yourself, about love or relationships? What did you learn or gain from the relationship? And there's so much there that you can be grateful for. And then you can take a moment and check in to create your own closure and ask yourself what still needs to be said, felt or done in order for me to feel like I can close this door? Well, okay, so those are the three parts that are emotional and energetic. These are the three parts that go into honoring and ending. So what does this look like practically? How can we take this and turn it into something practical that you can do, whether it's to honor the ending of this relationship that you just went through, or maybe it's something else. And you can do this.
(10:48)
I mean, I really like to have an end of the week closing ritual for myself where I honor the ending of my work week. I know people that do it at the end of every work day. So this doesn't have to be long or extensive, and it doesn't have to be overly emotional. Maybe it is, maybe it's not. But what does this look like when we put it into practice? Well, I want you to create your own ritual of honoring and what is that? That means creating a little bit of space. So maybe carving out a little time in your calendar for this, making a little appointment for yourself to show you that you are making this a priority. Maybe you put on a nice classical music or an instrumental playlist that doesn't have a lot of words so they won't distract you. Maybe light a nice candle and set the stage. And what I would invite you to do for a relationship is to write a goodbye letter and let yourself express all the things that you are grateful for from the person and for the relationship and for yourself. What were the ways that you showed up in that relationship that you were grateful for what you did and what you gave in that relationship? And then you can write a section on what you're grieving. What are you letting go of? What are you releasing?
(12:27)
What are you putting an ending to? What are you letting go of? Yeah, really that's just what it is. What is it that you're letting go of? And then you can check in with yourself. And this might be different for everyone of, is there anything else that I need to say or anything else I need to feel in order to close this chapter? And you can put that in the letter as well. Alright? And what you could do with that letter, I find it actually, you don't want to send it, I never send these letters, but I actually find it really healing to burn it. Or you can rip it up and throw it out, but it's not something you need to hang on to. This is truly something you are releasing and letting go of. And the act of burning it and watching it go up in smoke is really symbolic of I am truly letting this go and I'm releasing it and poof, now it's ashes in smoke.
(13:27)
So I want you to shift as you let go of this, to remember that you are making space. You are honoring something that no longer needs to be held onto, that no longer needs to have a space in your life. And you are doing this so that you clear space for whatever's next. And it's okay if there's a moment of limbo where you don't know what's next, where it maybe just is some awkward space for a time peeing of like, I'm not quite ready to date yet, but I know that I will, and I don't need to fill in that space with a hookup or just swiping on the apps, but I can hold the space until I feel ready.
(14:15)
Because the longer you hold onto something that no longer serves you, you are creating more stagnant energy in your life, which will actually just drain you further and further and further. And I want you to continue to live your life. You still have so much life ahead of you, even though your relationship's over, you can keep going. And so I want, you could even think about this, I like gardening, right? We are going to clear the space of any weeds, any old dead plants, anything that's no longer growing and thriving, we're going to clear it out. We're going to dig a hole to make some more space, and we are going to be planting seeds for what's new and we will be tending to that and caring for it and nurturing it over the time that it takes for it to grow. Again, we don't need to rush it. We don't need to jump into it being perfect immediately. We're going to let it unfold like seeds do, right? You plant the seed and you take care of the seed and you nurture it and it grows over time. That's what I want you to think about of this is just clearing space so that I can plant new seeds and grow.
(15:37)
All right? So as we wrap up today, I want you to remember that you don't have to rush into the next thing or the next beginning. It's okay. And it's actually encouraged to take some time to give yourself some space to give yourself some appropriate closure for what is completing. And in doing so, you are making space for the next thing. You are feeling more prepared, more aligned, and more intentional for what you want in the future. So I'm going to encourage you to share a photo of your ritual. Show me a picture of you with your stationary or journal that you're going to be writing your letter on and your candle lit. And I want you to post it on the Instagram and I want you to tag me because I want people to know that you are not alone. When you share it, I will share it and repost it and other people will see this is a movement.
(16:39)
We are honoring the endings. We aren't just skipping past 'em and we aren't hanging on and lingering too long. We are letting go and making space because I deserve a fresh start with whatever comes next. And what I did, the relationship I went through, whatever it was also deserves. Its due. I don't have to rush past it and pretend it didn't happen. I can take the time to honor it with grace and respect. Alright, my friends, that is our episode for today. If this really resonated for you and what you're looking for is more personalized support through your process and you are really interested in who you are becoming after your relationship, you don't want to be the same old version that you were and you're not quite sure where you're going yet, but you know you want to go somewhere great, I want to go there with you.
(17:43)
I want to help you through your next evolution of your next chapter into your next great love story. And that might be the love for yourself, little love of a new job or business, love of travel or love relationship, whatever that next great epic love story is for you. I want to help co-create that with you as your coach. I'd love to do a free consultation for you where we can explore together what it's like to work with me as your coach and see if it's a great fit for both of us. I'll guide you through my process. I will give you my roadmap of how I see you moving forward, and then we can decide if it's a good fit. I would love to have that conversation with you. And if that sounds good to you, I'm going to put my link in the show notes for you to book a free consultation call so that we can see if coaching together is the next right fit. Alright, my friends, that is our episode for this week. I hope you take very good care of yourself and I look forward to talking to you again next week. Take care of my friends.