In this episode, Sarah Curnoles discusses the importance of self-nourishment over self-care. She emphasizes that self-care can become a checklist of tasks, while self-nourishment is about intentionally connecting with oneself at a deeper level to truly feed the mind, body, and soul. Some key points: Self-nourishment is about reflecting on what you truly need in the moment, rather than just doing what you think you "should" do. Signs of lack of nourishment include constant tiredness, inability to rest and restore, and over-consumption behaviors. Practicing radical self-nourishment involves slowing down, connecting to the present moment, and doing what feels genuinely good and restorative. Nourishment may not always be convenient or comfortable, but it is worth prioritizing for long-term wellbeing. The viewer is encouraged to identify areas of their life that feel under-nourished and take one small nourishing action today.
June is my birthday month! And you're invited to celebrate with me. I'm celebrating by giving away all my favorite things - my favorite physical things, my favorite coaching tips, and free coaching sessions. This is a month long celebration and it's going to be a vibe. Join me for the June Jubilee on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/248021541119158/
Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarahcurnoles/
Join me for the month-long party!
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Have you gone through a breakup and you're tired of feeling low lonely or lost? I've got a pep talk for you. I'm Sarah Curnoles, your breakup bestie. I'm a certified life coach with years of coaching experience, helping people just like you turn your breakup into the best thing that ever happened to them. Each week, tune in to get a pep talk, to heal your heart. Let go of the past, reclaim your power and get back into your main character energy. Your breakup may have shattered your world as you know it, but together let's build a new better world. Let's go.
(00:44)
Hello, my friend Sarah Curnoles here, your breakup bestie. And this week for breakup pep talks, I want to talk about how I think we're doing self-care wrong, and I don't just mean you and me as the we I'm talking about here. I think it's all of us, and it makes it so clear when I talk to my clients who are fresh out of a breakup that we're doing self-care wrong. So I'm going to be talking about it in a totally different way and I want to get into that. But before I do happy June, we are in my favorite month of the year because it's my birthday month, my birthday's at the end of the month. And to celebrate this year, I decided to do something different. And that's also really what inspired this episode about self-care because honestly, the first six months of this year have been really hard for me.
(01:39)
It's felt like a struggle, and I've felt really disconnected from myself and I've been experimenting with what does it take for me to get back to me to who I know I am and in the energy that I most want to be showing up in the world, and how do I recreate that connection that I feel like I had lost? And I started changing small things at first, and I let that build and build and build and build until it felt really strong. And I decided to turn June into an entire celebration month because I know something about myself, and this is personal to me. I don't know how many other people relate to this. I do. Well when I set something big and scary as a goal and I tell other people that that's what I'm doing. And so when I say something like I'm going to celebrate myself for an entire month, that's actually kind of terrifying.
(02:44)
And so what I'm doing to make it a little less terrifying is that I'm making it a whole month of celebration that I'm sharing. So I'm inviting you to come with me and I am sharing all my favorite things. Literally, I'm tapping into my Oprah moment here, and I am going to be giving away my favorite things one new thing a week. I am going to be doing free coaching and I am going to be sharing all of the tools and tips that I've learned in my however many years I've been alive. No, it'll be 42. I'm turning 42 in my 42 years here on the planet. All the things that I've learned that really make a difference in my life, I'm going to share all of that with all of you and give it all away. And all I ask of you is that you come along and celebrate with me.
(03:33)
And if you want to be part of the giveaway, I'm just going to be asking you to comment on my social media. On Facebook. It's just my name, Sarah KLEs, my personal page, or on my Instagram, again, just my name, Sarah Kernels, all one word. All you need to do is comment or share, and that's an entry. And every week I'm giving away something new and exciting. This week I'm giving away my favorite book, which is Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed. She wrote this book as a collection of her essays when she was Dear Sugar, an advice columnist. And I find that as I grow as a person, this book is growing with me. And every time I read it, I uncover something new. So if you want me to send you a copy of my favorite book so that you can get some of the wisdom from it too, head on over to my Instagram or my social media, my Facebook this week. Comment on one of the posts that I'll do every day or share it, and that's an entry. And the more comments and the more shares, the more entries you get and the more chances to win. So I hope you'll join me in my celebration month all month of June.
(04:49)
But that all brings me back to self-care because I've been on a bit of a self-care journey recently and feel like I've pulled myself on the other side. And what I am noticing is that we're doing it wrong by just calling. It is such an umbrella term that I think it's gotten watered down in its effectiveness. And so what I had been doing was it was just like checking off boxes of I meditated. Yes, I stretch. Yes, I am showering and washing my teeth and sleeping and washing, brushing my teeth and sleeping, and I'm checking all the boxes of things that should be self-care. Why don't I feel better? Why don't I feel connected to myself? And what I realized is there's a really big difference between taking care of myself and nourishing myself. I see this so clearly when people come to me fresh out of a breakup and they're doing things for themself and it just doesn't feel good of like I'm trying to do the things that normally bring me joy and I just don't feel it.
(06:04)
Or on the other end of things, they're really struggling to do the basic self-care things. They don't have an appetite or they can't sleep, and those are the things they know that they need the most and they just can't access it. So I want to talk about not caring for yourself, but nourishing yourself. So what's the difference? The difference is to me, nourishment is at a soul level. It's not just like the surface level, check the box things. This is about being very intentional of what do I need to connect myself to feel like I have been fed mind, body, and or soul? And that might look different for everybody, and there might be different needs that you have a different times. So you might want to nourish yourself spiritually, and whether that looks like a practice of praying or attending church or reading poetry, or it might be physically nourishing yourself.
(07:27)
So one of the things I tell people after a breakup, when you're in that time where you're not hungry, you still need nourishment, your body still needs, it needs vitamins and minerals and protein and fats. It needs to still have fuel to live. So you need nourishment. And actually something really nourishing is soup. It's not just warm and soothing, but it can be very easy to digest, so it feels really good. So to me, nourishing is not based on shoulds. It's not about getting a massage or taking a bubble bath when sometimes we do those items, we just don't feel connected to it, and we do it because we think that we should or that's what self-care is supposed to look like. But if we talk about nourishment, you can really reflect. And I know very clearly for myself, there have been times where a bath has felt very nourishing.
(08:28)
And then there have been other times where I'm like, I'm just doing this to do it because I'm supposed to and I'm not feeling it at all. It doesn't feel right. So self-care I think, sometimes can fall into a should category as opposed to when it's nourishing, you're really connected to it, you're really intentional about it, and you're allowing yourself to receive from that process. It's not just an action, it's actually, it's a way of being because you're receiving nourishment. And so why does it matter that we do these things during a time that's really tumultuous? When we don't feel good, when we feel really disconnected? Why do we need to focus on nourishment?
(09:27)
Because if you think about your body, if you don't give it the nourishment it needs, it stops functioning. So if you are not getting enough calories and you're not getting the right vitamins and minerals and the macronutrients and all of those pieces that help you function, you body can go into atrophy of your muscles aren't growing and strengthening and the parts of your body aren't functioning optimally. Now that's what it means on a physical level. What does it mean in the rest of your life? Well, if we are not nourishing ourself, not just physically, but if we're not nourishing ourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually on these other levels, what happens is we start to feel disconnected from our life. We start to feel apathy of, I don't care, it doesn't matter. And it starts to erode how we see ourself, and it becomes harder to access our own personal.
(10:44)
So when we do step up and we take the time to check in of what would be really nourishing for me right now? What do I most need to start feeling good again? That is actually an act of building self-trust because you are becoming the person that can show up for yourself even in hard times. You become that person that you take the time to get to know yourself by asking, what do I most need right now? What would feel good? I'm being fed deeply right now, and what can I do very intentionally or purposefully that is going to help me move the needle a little bit?
(11:30)
So what are the signs that you might be suffering from a lack of nourishment? You might be lacking nourishment if you are constantly feeling tired, irritable, lethargic, disconnected, hopeless, or despair. I think sometimes we don't know that're depleted until we realize we are running on fumes. When you get to that moment where you have to stop, either something stops you or you decide, I'm stopping, I'm not doing this anymore, and you realize I haven't filled up my own gas tank, I'm running on fumes here. There's no human equivalent of that gaslight that comes on for us of like, Hey, pay attention. So we have to start learning our own signals of when we need to be filling up our tanks. And if you ask me, I actually think nourishment is a required daily habit and what I do and how I carve out the time, it might change from day to day.
(12:52)
But I do think that there are levels of nourishment that are absolutely essential every day so that you're showing up is your best. And especially if you're going through a breakup, you need a little extra nourishment because you're going through something that is draining emotionally and physically and mentally, so that nourishment is taking care of you when you are taxed and stretched. Okay, so one sign, like I said, of that you're lacking that nourishment is that you're feeling tired all the time. Another sign might be that doing something that used to be restful for you, it just doesn't ever feel like you're getting restorative rest. Maybe you're sleeping but you don't feel any less tired in the morning, or you used to sit and watch a movie and that would be really restorative, and you're like, I just did that and I just feel worse and it is not helping me get better.
(13:54)
Okay? So that's often a sign that you're actually, you might be resting but you're not nourishing yourself. There is a difference. Another sign that you're not nourished is you might be over consuming, meaning you eat too much, you drink too much. Maybe you're doing online shopping, or all you're doing is binging on Netflix or Hulu or whatever your show of choices, and you're doing that to avoid something or to fill a void. And sometimes we do this because we think that that is going to solve the problem of like, I'm going to eat the pin of Ben and Jerry's and then I'm going to feel better. Well, I hate to tell you this. As much as I love my ice cream, a pint of Ben and Jerry never solve my problems usually ends up I end up feeling worse because I just overate and there wasn't any true nourishment in that. And probably I didn't actually sit and enjoy it after the first couple bites. I might've enjoyed those first bites. And as long as you're enjoying it, maybe that is really nourishing for you. But once it becomes habitual that you're not even connected to it and you're not taking the pleasure out of it, then it's just draining and it's avoiding, and that's not nourishment.
(15:21)
You might also be running on fumes if you're noticing that you're feeling really resentful of other people in your life. Okay, so I want you to be paying attention. Where am my life? Am I not feeling nourished or is this really resonating with me? Because I'm going through something really big and heavy right now and I haven't been able to get good quality rest, not just sleep, but real rest and I haven't felt restored by it. So what does it mean to practice radical self nourishment? Not just I'm going to do some self-care, but radical self nourishment. And I add the word radical because I want you to think about doing this in a way that is rooted, that is grounded, that is unapologetic, no guilt, no shame. You are going to be taking care of yourself and nourishing yourself more and deeper than you ever have.
(16:27)
And this isn't about getting a good pick for Instagram, like, oh, I'm traveling and this is so restorative for me, or look at me at the beach, or I'm taking a bubble bath, or whatever. This is about feeling inside of what feels good to you. So the practice is turning inward and asking myself, what's the most loving thing that I could do for myself right now? What would truly nourish me? What would feel good to my soul? And just listen to your body. It's going to give you cues of what is resonating, what feels good.
(17:26)
So I think of nourishment as slowing down, connecting to the present moment and anything that does that for me. So it might be going for a walk in the sun, drinking a whole glass of water, using my nice candle, the expensive one that I don't want to burn too much. I'm afraid it's going to run out, but no, actually using it, slowing down enough and pausing to give myself a moment of silence. And as you begin to play with nourishment, I want you to look for where you're using the word Should I should feel better or I should take that bubble bath. It'll help me feel better instead of should swap it with the word want. Want to take a bubble bath? What's interesting? I bet if I had done that when I can distinctly remember I was with my now ex and he was like, you should take a bubble bath.
(18:39)
You always feel better when you take a bath, go take a bath. I really wasn't feeling it. I was really undernourished at this time. I was out of it and he was grasping at straws trying to help me. At least you tried and told me to take a bath and I just was not feeling it. Had I replaced the word should with the word want, and instead of like, I should take a bath, I would've said, I want to take a bath. I would've known immediately like, that's not true. I don't want to take a bath. I don't feel like that. That's not what would feel good to me right now.
(19:15)
So making that swap can actually help you get a lot of clarity. Is this a should? Because I think it's what other people say works or is this something I really want to be doing? And if it is something you really want to be doing, then saying outright, I want to take a bath, take sort of that guilt trip that comes with a should. I should be doing this. I should take a bath versus I want to take a bath, actually feels really affirming. So I want you to grab your journal and just take a moment, take a couple of minutes right here right now, and be honest with yourself. Where am I feeling under fed?
(20:01)
We are looking for those malnourished areas of your life. Is it everywhere? Because if you're going through a breakup, it just feels like it's everywhere. Everything feels hard right now. So allow yourself to go there and just tell the truth. Where in my life do I feel underfed? And then pick one area and ask, what would nourish me in this area of my life right now? What would feel really good? I want to be honest and give you a little bit of real talk here because it's not always cute and it's not always convenient. And sometimes it's exactly the opposite.
(20:49)
I started going to dance class again, and it is not at a convenient time. It is at a terrible time for my schedule and I don't like being up a little later and I don't like, there's sort of this awkwardness in my schedule right now as I'm shifting things around. But when I do go, I feel so much better. I am in my body, I feel connected to myself again, and I get to just be and flow and enjoy myself and have fun and be a little playful and silly. So it's not convenient, but it's worth it because it really does feed me.
(21:35)
And sometimes what looks like nourishment might mean setting a boundary or being lonely because maybe it's better to be lonely than to be with somebody who doesn't really see you or love you or get you. So it might not always be the obvious answer, like taking a bath, it might be doing something a little uncomfortable and that's okay. Sometimes we choose the discomfort because it's going to pay off more in the long run and we're going to feel better. And if it's hard, that's okay. You're not doing it wrong. You're probably doing it exactly right.
(22:31)
It's okay for it to be hard, especially if this is something that's new to you and it's a new concept. A lot of times doing something new at first is hard. This is about practice. It's not about being perfect. So I want you to know that you are allowed to nourish yourself fully, radically, unapologetically. And I'm not talking about someday or tomorrow, I'm talking about today. So give yourself permission to nourish yourself in one small way today, even if it doesn't make any sense to you, and it definitely probably doesn't make sense to other people. This is your personal process. What would feed you today? So I want you to come over. I'm going to create an Instagram post about this episode. I want you to come over to the post and share with me what did you do to nourish yourself, okay? I'd love to hear from you.
(23:38)
And you know what? If you comment, that includes as an entry for the week for getting the free book. So all the more reason to come on over to visit me on Facebook or Instagram and share with me what was your nourishing act today. Alright, my friends, I'll put my contact information into the show notes so that you can come down there and we can hang out on social media. I hope that this resonates for you today. My intention is that hopefully coming here and getting a pep talk from me maybe provides a little nourishment for your soul or a little breather when life feels hard. Please know you're not alone. I am here with you. I am cheering you on. I am here for support. Alright, my friends, well, I hope you take good care of yourself today. Go nourish yourself and let me know what you do. I cannot wait to connect with you soon. And until then, take care of yourself. All right. Bye-bye.