Sarah Curnoles provides advice for navigating a breakup during the "breakup season" of early spring. The key points are: 1. Have hope that you will be okay, even if it doesn't feel that way now. Like the changing seasons, the darkness of a breakup will give way to growth and renewal. 2. Establish routines and structures to provide comfort and stability during this time of change, such as scheduling self-care activities and plans to look forward to. 3. View the breakup as an opportunity for personal growth and development, using the experience as "fertilizer" to become your best self. 4. Detox by letting go of parts of yourself that no longer serve you, and focus on who you want to become in the next chapter of your life. Sarah also provides free journal prompts to help listeners work through these tips and turn their breakup into a positive transformation.
Connect with me on Instagram @sarahcurnoles!
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to March. Friends, this is the time of year where the days are getting longer. Hopefully most of the cold, snowy weather is behind us, but I live in Maryland and I know that historically March is often the snowiest month of the year. So I guess you could say I am optimistically hopeful but not holding my breath that it's all warm weather and roses from here. But really this is that time of year where we're not quite, in spring, we kind of see the light in the tunnel. That winter's coming to an end. We're not totally out of the tunnel yet. We're getting there, and this is the time of year where we start to feel really antsy like we want to start making plans again, coming out of hibernation mode. We want to start doing stuff and being outdoors for long walks or long runs, whatever it is that you like to do outside, it is a time of big change.
(01:02):
And if it hasn't started to shift for you yet to big change, it's coming. We can almost feel that it's coming because those seasons are changing. This March, this meeting March is also breakup season. It is statistically shown that the highest number of breakups happen right before holidays and in the month of March. And I don't know if it's because there's this sense of change that's in the air or if it's a time where it's between enough holidays that there's not a whole lot going on that it feels, I don't know, safe to end a relationship. It's just statistically breakups happen and it is referred to as breakup season. And here we are. We're in breakup season, and if you found this episode because you are just going through a breakup, I got you. Don't worry. I have four tips to help you navigate through this time and because I like my episodes to be straight to the point with lots and lots of value for you, I'm going to go right into it. So first, my first tip for you is that you're going to be okay even if you don't feel that way right now, especially if you don't feel that way right now. I want you to hear me when I say when you're going to be okay.
(02:30):
You can believe me even if you don't quite believe yourself yet, think about those seasons, right? We're entering into spring now, but just a few months ago when winter started, we were in the depths of the dark. It was the darkest nights of the year and it was cold and we didn't want to go outside. It almost feels very hopeless, like where did the light go? Is it ever going to come back? I don't know about anybody else. I get uber dramatic during the winter of like, this is the worst thing ever and I'm never coming out of it, and is this over yet? But every year without fail, the days start getting longer, the weather starts getting warmer, and spring always comes. So the best thing to do if you're in the throes of a breakup is to learn from winter. That's the time where it's best to turn inward.
(03:34):
Check in with yourself and be honest about what you most need. None of the stuff where you're trying to push through and fake it till you make it or force it or keep trying to have that energy that you had last summer. We're not going to do that. We're going to slow down and check in with ourselves and get really honest and supportive. What is it that you most need? And in winter, some things that are, it's a great time of year for is to get extra rest, to get cozy, right? Think of that Danish movement of hooga of when it's the cold, dark months, they get really cozy. They spend time with candlelight and friends and playing board games and simple pleasures, nourish yourself with really good food. And what if we simplify everything of your only job right now is to take care of yourself.
(04:42):
You don't have to figure out the breakup right now. You don't have to have all the answers or be able to pinpoint what exactly went wrong or what was the thing that you said that really turned your ex off. You don't have to know any of that right now, and I want you, when those questions come up, I want you to, in your imagination, think of one of those ball jars, like the clear glass jars with the screw on lids, and I want you to think about holding one of those and putting those questions in the jar and putting the lid on, and you're going to put it on an imaginary shelf and say, not right now. I'm going to get to you later. When the time is right, there will be a time that's better for that. It's just not right now. Right now is about making yourself cozy and comfortable.
(05:34):
Journal if you need to. Journaling can be helpful as long as you're not going into overanalyzing or beating yourself up. But if you're using it as a creative release to get your ideas out on paper and out of your head, it can be great for that. Let yourself rest right now. Let yourself be cozy. Okay? My second tip for you is to give yourself routines and structure. A breakup kit is a time of really big change and it feels like everything is up in the air and everything is uncertain because everything is changing. You had routines with your X that now you don't have, and it's a great idea to take this time to build your own structures and routines that are going to give you something that you can lean on. So pull out that calendar and I want you to follow your calendar.
(06:34):
I don't know, it's a command from heaven, but that's how seriously I want you to take your calendar for right now. If you put something in there, I want you to do it, and I don't want it to have that obligation of like, I should do this or I have to do this. I want you to think about it as I'm choosing things that are supportive for me, and I'm going to put that time aside in my calendar to show that my commitments to myself and my healing and my growth, and this is how I make sure I carve out time for it and I stay committed to myself and I stay in integrity with who I want to be and how I want to be progressing forward. So for example, I actually made appointments for crying when I was going through my breakup because otherwise I could get really busy and never actually make the space to slow down and feel the feelings that were coming up for me.
(07:30):
So I actually set time aside in my calendar and I gave myself extra time for a little bit longer in the shower so that I could cry. I made sure I kept time in my calendar for movement breaks, so like long walks or time that I could stretch, like an evening stretch was really helpful for me for a wind down, and it gave me something to focus on. I would put on a YouTube video or a Peloton video of a guided stretch, and it gave me something to focus on that my mind didn't go thinking about, oh, this is the time that my boyfriend and I used to talk about our days and share the best parts and talk about tomorrow. Give me something else to focus on. I also started scheduling things I could look forward to. So I booked a trip. I scheduled dance classes, like group fitness dance classes.
(08:23):
I didn't get skilled at anything. I just gave myself somewhere joyful where it could be around positive people and good music. I made appointments with friends. Putting all those things in your calendar gives you something to look forward to, and it gives you some structure so it doesn't feel like these big wide open gaps anymore. All right. That was tip number two. So give yourself some structure and some routines, whether that's longer showers and nice walks in the morning and a stretching routine in the evening, whatever that might be, whatever feels good for you. All right, tip number three, I want you to think about this time as fertilizer for your own personal growth. Nobody likes talking about fertilizer. It's cow poop. I can remember when I would drive home from college and my college was in the middle of a whole lot of farms and it would smell really stinky certain times of the year because the farmers were fertilizing their soil, and I know some of those farmers were paying a lot of money for really high quality organic fertilizer because they knew the better quality fertilizer was going to give them a better quality of crop that was going to make it really delicious.
(09:46):
I want you to think about the same thing of the quality of the processing that you do of the crap from your breakup, the better quality processing you do, the higher quality of fertilizer you have for your personal growth going forward. Think of how much you grow after times are hard. I can actually go back and look at some of my worst breakups, and it's actually the times that led me to the biggest leaps forward in my own personal growth.
(10:22):
So I know that this doesn't feel like it's any good anymore. Your life is terrible, everything is awful, that everything feels heavy and hard and you don't want to think about your personal growth. Sure, you are in the process of turning crap into actually nutritious fertilizer. You're in the middle of it, and I'm actually going to give you a tool as a free gift at the end of this that's really going to help you with that. So stay tuned to the end so that you make sure that you get the link so that you can get the free gift so you can turn the crap into actual fertilizer, okay? We are going to process it in a way that actually benefits you and doesn't hold you back. And speaking of not holding you back, your fourth tip is I want you during this breakup season to detox, and by that I mean let go of what no longer serves you.
(11:22):
We're not going to go on a crazy fad diet of not eating anything. That's not what I mean by a detox. I just mean we are going to remove toxins, a detox, and you get to decide what those things are. What are the things that you no longer want in your life that have no business coming to your future version of you? This is such a ripe opportunity for you to decide who do I want to be for this next chapter of my life? What parts of me do I want to continue to flourish or do I want to continue to develop? And what are the parts of me that maybe don't need to come forward? So for example, I was somebody in my previous relationship where I was making myself really small so that my ex wouldn't leave. I was scared if I showed him how truly ambitious I was and how much of a big impact I wanted to have on the world.
(12:25):
I was scared if I showed him that and was really honest about it, that he would get not defensive, that he would get, excuse me, I don't know, scared off that he was going to decide I don't want to be with somebody like that. And so instead of being true and authentic to myself and my desires and knowing that I would be okay if he left and knowing that I could continue to be myself, I know that now. I didn't know that. Then I decided I'm going to make myself smaller so that I can stay in this relationship.
(13:03):
A lot of us do that. I think I've heard stories from so many of you that you can relate to that so you're not alone if you're doing that too. I decided I don't want to continue to stay small just to stay in a relationship. If I've outgrown it, if that person can't accept me for who I am, then that's not a relationship I want to have. I decided that's a part of myself. The part of myself that was staying small, I called it my small izer. It felt like a shrinking re from a Looney Tunes cartoon that I would use to make myself small and tiny. I'm leaving that behind, and that's not coming with me to the future because I'm tired of playing small. I'm ready to start playing big and start being more of the force in the world that I want to be for positive change. That's how I arrived here with this podcast and how I wanted to be helping people. This is your opportunity that you get to reconnect with yourself and discover who are you becoming and really use a detox as an opportunity to choose what you're letting go of or what toxins you've been storing in your body that you don't want coming with you anymore.
(14:20):
And as I had mentioned, I have a great gift that I'm going to give you that's really going to help you look at some of these pieces of advice and these tips and take 'em a little bit deeper of how do I decide what to let go of and how do I decide who I want to become and how do I turn crap into fertilizer, right? I have these amazing journal prompts and they are questions I work with my clients on, and I am going to give them to you absolutely for free. These are my top 10 journal prompts, and you're going to actually go to the website, top 10 journal prompts.com, and you are going to get 'em for yourself, and I want you to grab this gift and use it as this wonderful opportunity as we are in this change of seasons as we are going through breakup season, so that you can turn your breakup into the best thing that ever happened to you.
(15:13):
That doesn't happen by accident. It happens very intentionally with the good work, and that's what I love doing. So if this resonated with you, would you do me a huge favor after you go grab your free journal prompts at top 10 journal prompts.com after you head over there and get your gift, I want you to share this with one friend. Help me spread the word about this podcast, help me help others so that you can turn, help other people turn their crop into fertilizer so that we can all grow together because the world needs you, and when you are in the thick of the mess right after a breakup, it's really hard to show up for the world and be the most amazing version of yourself. I want to help you through that mess so that you come to the other side stronger, more authentic and truly shining as the bright light that you are in this world.
(16:13):
If you want to go deeper with this work, if you love what you're hearing, I would love to have that conversation with you. Head on over to Instagram. I'm at sarah KLEs dot, there's no.com, it's Instagram. I'm at Sarah KLEs, and I want you to send me a dm. I want to hear from you, and I want to connect with you, and if you want to take this work deeper, just send me a DM and say, tell me more. I want to hear more about how do I keep going with this work so that I can become that bright shining light that you're talking about because I know that's in you, and I want to help you to shine and get all the gunk out of the way and turn that gunk into the fertilizer for your most beautiful shining self. Let's do it together, my friends. All right. Have a beautiful day. Enjoy some of this sun shine that we're getting these days. As the days get a little bit brighter and a little bit warmer, and keep going. I'll talk to you soon.