Weekends can be particularly difficult after a breakup, as they were often times spent with a partner. Sarah advises against either ruminating or distracting/numbing yourself during this time. Instead, Sarah recommends getting out of your head and into your body through physical activity and movement, such as going for a walk, doing gentle yoga, or trying a new dance class. This can help release emotions and promote healing.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Have you gone through a breakup and you're tired of feeling low lonely or lost? I've got a pep talk for you. I'm Sarah Curnoles, your breakup bestie. I'm a certified life coach with years of coaching experience, helping people just like you turn your breakup into the best thing that ever happened to them. Each week, tune in to get a pep talk, to heal your heart. Let go of the past, reclaim your power and get back into your main character energy. Your breakup may have shattered your world as you know it, but together, let's build a new better world. Let's go.
(00:44):
Hello, friends. There is a quote that I think is from Einstein, but I'll have to double check that. That goes something along the lines of this. It's, I'm going to paraphrase. You can't solve a problem from the same level of thinking that created it, and that rattles around in my brain a lot. And today I want to talk about something specific that you can do for yourself as the weekend approaches, because this episode's going to be released on a Thursday. And I know for myself, when I went through my breakup and my clients going through a breakup, weekends are hard because that used to be the time that you got a lot of quality time with your sweetheart. You had date night, and so you always had plans on maybe a Friday or a Saturday night, and now you don't have those and maybe you did your shopping together or a laundry together, whatever your routines were for the weekend.
(01:55):
And now it just feels like this big gap of time that you don't know what to do with yourself And what most people do, it's either they spend all that time thinking and ruminating and they get up in their head or they go the total opposite and they try to distract themselves so much and try to numb their pain so much that they spend the whole weekend so busy or they get drunk or high or whatever it might be that they just sort of rush through the weekend in a blur and they don't even really remember it, but at least it was a weekend where they didn't have to feel anything.
(02:38):
I think both of those options are coming from the same level of thinking that created the problem in the first place. And let me be specific of what the problem is. The problem is that you feel stuck and trapped by your situation, that there's no way out that you're blaming yourself for the breakup or what happened or where you find yourself Currently. The problem is you're single and you don't want to be. And so the real root of that problem is your resistance to your current situation. You're single and you don't want to be. If you are single and you are happy to be single, then there wouldn't be a problem. Or if you were really glad to be out of the relationship, there wouldn't be a problem. That would be the thing that you actually wanted. So you're in a situation that you don't want, which means you're in resistance, and that's the equivalent of standing in a river trying to walk upstream instead of letting yourself flow with the direction of the water.
(04:06):
So this weekend, let's try something different. Get out of your head and into your body. And what I mean by that is your head is usually the thing that's creating the resistance, meaning your mind. You're telling yourself a story. I don't want to be here. I don't like, this sucks. This is hard. I'm an awful person. Whatever that narrative is in your head is creating the resistance to what actually is in this moment. And if we get out of your head and we try for a moment to put the chatter to the side, the mind chatter, and we try to say, you know what? That mind chatter is so constant. I have probably over prioritized this in my life because let's be honest, that's what we've been taught to do is to over prioritize our minds and we listen way too much to our minds, and we don't do a whole lot in our bodies.
(05:13):
If I put that to the side for a moment and I decide to tap into what is going on in my physical self, that's something different. That's a shift for sure. And so what do I mean by that? It could mean a lot of things. And if you listen to the episode from Tuesday, I talked about the power of a good cry because honestly, our bodies want to be in a natural state of wholeness and wellness, and our bodies will do things to try to adjust to get us back to those places. So I shared about a good cry that when you're crying, you're actually releasing toxins. That's your body's way, one of its ways of regulating itself and restoring it back to wellness. And your mind doesn't always have that at heart. It doesn't always have wholeness at heart. It has survival at heart.
(06:20):
We don't really live in a time where we have to worry too much about literal survival. We aren't worried too much about a famine or a tiger taking us out. We don't live in those times. We just have, excuse me, we don't live too much in those times where we feel like our lives are in danger. And so our mind's priority for survival is often keeping us in fear and anxiety and trying to prevent us from dying. But that's not really the reality anymore. Now our bodies still have the instincts to heal itself, and yet we've detached so much from so many of those instincts. And I think a great example of this. So the traditional advice after a breakup, just go eat a pin of Ben and Jerry's. Well, look, I have nothing wrong with that. I love ice cream. Love it. I enjoy ice cream.
(07:29):
And yet, have you ever actually eaten an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's? How do you feel afterwards? You feel heavy and slow and lethargic and weighed down and bloated. That's not optimal, right? And it's really just holding you down and not helping you to feel any better if you were instead to maybe eat a stew, which is what I often tell people for nourishment right after a breakup, is to actually nourish your body. And even if you don't feel hungry, soups and stews, they're really gentle on the digestive system. And if you eat a stew with plenty of vegetables and some lean protein, you feel satisfied. Maybe you even have a little bit of energy to move. So what that tells me is the traditional breakup wisdom of just eat a pin of butter and Jerry's isn't actually aligning you to help you feel any better.
(08:47):
And it's going more in that direction of being up in your head of ice cream and high fat foods and dairy, all these things we have maybe memories of joy when we were a child or the sugar numbs us from feeling the emotional pain temporarily. And it lets us escape that for a moment. That's actually a solution from your mind of like, I can't handle this feeling, therefore I'm going to try to avoid it or numb it. If you were to get into your body, and maybe that means eating something nourishing, maybe that means going for a walk. Maybe that means having a cry or a yell if you're feeling angry. Any of those things would be more in your body. It's more physical, it's movement, even if it's gentle yoga or like a slow walk, you're in your body, you're not in your head.
(09:47):
Movement actually is medicine. I love me some Peloton. I love a Robin Zone class, and she says that all the time movement is medicine. And I can't tell you the number of times I have taken a bike class or a yoga class or whatever it might be, and I end up crying because I'm releasing something that needed to move. So this weekend, if you've got a gaping hole of time that you're like, I just don't know what to do with it, I want to encourage you to get out of your head and into your body by doing some kind of movement. And maybe that means you go try a new dance class or a yoga class or something because it's kind of great to combine movement and community. It really does help us get out of our head. But even if that means you pop in your earphones and you go for a nice long walk and you listen to something gentle and soothing, that's great too.
(10:54):
So use your free time this weekend, get out of your head, get into your body and just see and notice how you feel afterwards. And I want you to come over to Instagram and let me know what did you do for your movement and how did you feel afterwards? What happened for you? Let me know. I want to hear from you. And if this really resonated for you, I am currently doing free consultations for people who want some more one-on-one support where in this phone call you're going to share with me what's going on for you and I'm going to really listen so that I can give you a clear diagnosis of where you exactly are getting stuck and lay out a plan for you about what it would look like if we worked together, of what that journey would be of your transformation to take your breakup and to use this really as your moment where you draw that line in the sand and you say, no more.
(11:57):
I'm not tolerating this anymore. I'm really using this to become the next best version of myself. I'm using this to transform my life towards what I want it to be. I'm not tolerating my old bullshit anymore. So that is available if you are looking and you want some more individualized support. And if this really resonated for you, this whole idea of getting out of your head and into your body. If this is new and it feels like truth to you, book a call and you can do that again. Come find me on Instagram. I'm going to put the link in the notes. It's just my name at Sarah Kernos. Send me a DM and I want to connect with you. Let me know. I am curious about a call. I want to talk to you and we can get that scheduled. Alright, my friends, take good care, drop out of your head and into your body and just see what happens. Okay? Keep me posted. I want to hear from you. I want you to keep taking good care of yourself, and I can't wait to talk to you next time to.