In this episode of Breakup Peptalks, Sarah shares three powerful self-love rituals to help you heal and move forward after heartbreak. She dives into how daily practices and self-honoring rituals can shift your energy from grief to empowerment. By the end, you’ll feel more grounded, hopeful, and ready to embrace the next chapter of your life with confidence.
Head over to www.forgetyourexnow.com to join Love Yourself More - a 3 day challenge of live workshops to help you release the past and build stronger sense of self love.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello, my friends Sarah Curnoles here. And if you are listening to this episode because you're going through a heartbreak and you're in the middle of it, I see you and I've got you. This one is, especially for you, breakups can really shake us. But I wanted to do this episode because breakups don't have to break us. And today I'm sharing three self-love rituals that will help you to heal your heart and reconnect inward with yourself and help you feel truly whole again. And if this episode really resonates with you, would you do me a favor and share it with a friend who needs it? Because healing together is so much stronger than healing by yourself.
(01:01)
I thought I knew what it meant to love myself. I was a confident person. I had good friends. I probably from the outside looked like I had it all together. And I kept hearing reference to this little book on Amazon called Love Yourself, like Your Life Dependence on it. And I kept hearing about it and I was like, you know what? I'm just going to read it. It's short. And I think I read it in an afternoon. And it's a story of a CEO whose business totally falls apart, and he goes to some pretty dark places and decides to start to change that for himself. He decides to get out of those dark places by telling himself in the mirror, I love you. And it started as such a foreign concept to him that he kept doing it because he, same thing, he had a lot of success.
(02:11)
He was like, I thought I loved myself. Apparently I don't. And so he just started it as a ritual for himself to practicing in the mirror over and over and over. I love you. And what happened was he created several rituals that were just small little gestures to himself that actually ended up building him back up. And the funny thing is, I think he self-published this book. He almost wasn't going to write it because he almost thought it was too small or not important or that it wouldn't have any impact. And the funny thing is it went viral. The message really resonated with people and it really resonated for me. People really started sharing it, and his little rituals had such a big impact that it saved his life. And it has saved other people's lives because they took these small little steps, these small rituals, and rebuilt how they felt about themselves.
(03:15)
And the funny thing is, I could really relate. I didn't go to as dark of a place as he had, but I could really relate to, oh my gosh, I thought I loved myself because it looked like I had it all together. But internally, I really wasn't very kind to myself. I was really beating myself up a lot and I didn't really like who I was deep down. And I actually took his advice and started my own self-love rituals of I like to put my hand on my heart and tell myself that I love you or I got you. And I say that to myself. And you know what I realized, and I looked this up too, of what is it about rituals? Rituals can have a way of reconnecting us to our own values and to a sense of stability because the ritual might stay the same no matter what else happens in our life.
(04:16)
Like the ritual of washing your hands after going to the bathroom. That is a ritual. Or I know a lot of people who wash their hands before they eat a meal doing those things are actually rituals and it can lower anxiety. It can help us feel more connected to ourselves and our own values, and it actually can reconnect us to a sense of purpose. So that's really what inspired today's episode. And I really want to focus on the concept of self-love because I think we've all assume we know what that means or it's the opposite. We assume we know what it means and we assume that we're already doing a great job at it, or it's the opposite of like, that's so trite. That's so silly. I don't want anything to do with this whole self-love thing. It feels silly or selfish even, and it's neither.
(05:21)
It's actually incredibly powerful and it's the foundation that are relationships and not just romantic relationships, our friendships, our family relationships, our work relationships, our relationships to total strangers of how we interact with the world. All of that is built on the foundation of self-love as well as most actions that you go out and take really are going to come from a place of how are you feeling about yourself? And if it's not coming from a place where I fully accept myself, I fully love myself, I know I'm going to have my own back no matter what, then it's coming from a different place. It might come from self-hatred, it might come from uncertainty, it might come from beer. And these are places that if you think if I'm taking an action out of fear, what's the kind of result that I'm going to get? Well, the law of cause and effect, if I am acting from fear, I'm probably going to get something that is going to create more fear in my life or it's going to be the opposite of what I wanted is what I'll get back.
(06:36)
So when we are faced with heartbreak, this is an opportunity to reconnect inward so that you can come home to yourself, and I want you to think about not necessarily moving on, which is what everybody is asking. How do I move on? How do I get over this, right? It's not about moving on. I want you to think about it moving in, okay? You're going to move in towards yourself and self-love about bubble baths or getting massages or pedicures or all those ways that we might outwardly show that we love ourselves or check boxes to be like, well, I did that. I did that. I did that. This is actually a practice of telling yourself that you love yourself just like you would to another person that you want them to know how much you care about them.
(07:45)
Want to call your grandmom and tell her I love you, right? Something like that so that it's an affirmation so that they know because we don't want, if you think about it like your grandmother, I'm going to assume maybe you have a good relationship with your grandmother or if it's not that person, think of somebody that you do care about and you don't have complicated feelings towards. Even if it's a pet, you wouldn't want that person to never know how you felt about them, and that's why we tell them I love you, and when we tell them I love you, we feel good sharing that with 'em, and they also feel good receiving it, and the same works for ourselves. It feels good to say it to ourself and it feels good to receive it from ourself, and I don't want you going through your whole life, never telling yourself that I love you, so I'm going to share some small self-love rituals so that you can start really showing up for yourself, especially when it's hard and I want you, if you are going through something hard right now, I want you to be practicing this, and even if you are not going through something hard right now or if you're going through something hard and it gets better, I want you to continue to practice this because you want to keep the practice up even when things are good so that you have the practice to fall back on when things cycle back around again.
(09:45)
A lot of times we do something and we put something into practice and our life, we pick up a yoga practice and we start feeling so amazing because we feel all bendy and flexible and connected to our bodies, and then we stop because, oh, well, I got to where I wanted to be, and then a month goes by and you haven't been doing your yoga, and then you start getting back pain again and you're like, oh God, why did that come back? Well, it's because you stopped doing the thing that was working. So you want to keep doing these rituals even when things are good because it's going to keep helping you to maintain that feeling good. Okay? Okay, so your first ritual is to practice self-compassion, and I am starting here at basic, basic blocks here, foundational blocks. Here we are laying the groundwork and compassion is really just extending yourself a little bit of grace, giving yourself a little bit of kindness, assuming that you're doing the best that you can because so often when people are in heartbreak, they're really hard on themselves of thinking, when is this pain going to be over?
(11:08)
What's wrong with me that I haven't moved on yet? It seems like it's so much easier for everybody else, or my ex has already moved on, he's already dating somebody else. Why is this so hard for me? Or if you're like me, I used to replay fights over and over and over in my head thinking, how could I have done this differently that I wouldn't be in so much pain? That's another way of being really hard on yourself is rehearsing something that's already happened and trying to solve for a new solution. You can't go back to the past. You can't rewrite it. It's already happened. Okay, so we're going to start practicing some self-compassion and it's going to sound something like this. There nothing wrong with you. This is exactly how you're supposed to be feeling. Heartbreak does come with pain and it does hurt. There's nothing wrong with you if this is hard or if it hurts, and even though I know you don't like to be in pain, you're exactly where you're supposed to be and there isn't anything wrong.
(12:20)
We're going to get through this. We're going to be okay. Eventually, this will come to an end saying these really nice things to yourself and expressing that there's nothing wrong with you and that you're exactly where you're supposed to be, actually helps to put your nervous system more at ease instead of having you on high alert, which is what beating yourself up does. This will help you to settle and to calm down a little bit, and so it may have actually some pretty immediate relief that you might not feel like you are so much in fight or flight if you start practicing and telling yourself all is well, I know this hurts and I know it sucks. I know we don't like it. Oh gosh, sweetheart, I know this hurts. This is a lot of pain, and even just acknowledging that this is a lot of pain. I feel this pain in my chest, I feel this pain everywhere. I feel this pain. Even just saying that even that's compassionate because it's acknowledging what you're going through, right? Telling yourself all is well. I know we don't like this.
(13:43)
This allows you to settle and it'll create a little bit of space for yourself, and as we practice compassion, this actually has benefits for your brain of helping your brain to calm down and helping your nervous system to calm down. We are soothing your internal animal because we can't do anything else if you aren't, at least at a little bit of a calmer place. It's really hard to do anything. If you are in fight or flight and you're totally activated and you're really stressed, I want to bring you down from the stress and anxiety bring you to a little bit of a calmer place.
(14:33)
That's step one. That's ritual one, and maybe if you wanted to ritualize it a little bit more, you could tie it into something that you already do. For example, maybe when you take a shower, that's your time that you practice some self-compassion or when you're driving in the car, you practice that for yourself. You tell yourself, all is well, all is well, and let yourself just sort of breathe into it. Okay? That's ritual one. Ritual two, we're going to take that to the next level. I want you to do exactly what the author didn't love yourself. Your life depends on it, and I want you to practice some love in the mirror. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror, look at yourself in the eyes and say, I love you. I am here for you.
(15:30)
This is going to feel awkward and I recommend saying it 10 times and try to do it twice a day. I like to do it when I wake up and before bed. This will rewire your brain. Actually, this actually has really big impact. I mean, think about when you tell somebody I love you. What an impact that has on your relationship. It strengthens it, right? It builds trust. It lets you know I can depend on this person. This person is here for me, and I want you right now during your heartbreak to be building that relationship with yourself, and it is going to help you through this process of pain to know that you're in there for yourself, that you're in it with yourself, right? You're not abandoning yourself through this heartbreak of get through this yourself. I'm over here freaking out, or I'm over here already on the apps and trying to ignore this part of myself that's in a lot of pain.
(16:38)
That's really suffering. No, I want you to be right here with yourself. Okay? So if you're really serious about this, if you want to love yourself, your life depends on it because honestly, it does practice two times a day, 10 times looking yourself in the mirror, in the eyes and say, I love you. I am here for you. It will transform your life. Okay? Ritual three. I want you to do one nice thing for yourself, and I am not talking about taking yourself out on a big fancy me date, which are lovely. Those are great, but I want you to make this something so small that you can't not do it. Did you get that double negative there so small that you can't not do it? Make yourself a cup of tea with your favorite flavor tea and your favorite honey, and you're going to really enjoy all of it. You're going to enjoy feeling the mug, maybe even put it in your favorite mug. You enjoy smelling it and feeling the warmth and feeling it warm your chest as you drink the tea and you enjoy the flavor really doing something small and nice for yourself. Or maybe you take yourself out for a walk and you enjoy some fresh air and some sunshine, and I know what, or you get sleep. I mean, gosh, that is something that's really loving that I think a lot of us skip. We don't get enough sleep. Get some sleep.
(18:23)
I know a lot of people might roll their eyes at me when I give this advice to do something really small because it seems like it's so small it couldn't possibly work. I hear this kind of advice all the time. How good can a cup of tea really be like, really, you think that's going to do it? But I give this advice, and a lot of people give this advice all the time because if you do it, it actually does work. I could give you advice to do something really big and elaborate, but more often than not, people would hear that and they'd go, yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds really like a great idea. I'll do that. I'll do that later when I have time. And they keep putting it off and putting it off because who has any time these days or they get really stressed in the planning of it and it never happens anyway, and they end up really stressed about it. I want you to do the thing that works and what most people can do for themselves is something so small that it's unavoidable. Like take a break to breathe like two minutes. I know I'm busy too. I don't feel like I have time to take a break either, but I can give myself a minute or two and I can just breathe, put a hand on my heart and a hand on my belly and just breathe. I have time for that. I can do that.
(19:52)
I want you to pick something small as a kind gesture to yourself so that you start building a practice of doing these small things for yourself on a regular basis. Because if you do that, it's the small consistent steps that consistently add up. It's not the sporadic once in a lifetime grand me date that you take yourself on, which are lovely. Those are wonderful memories. It is the small, consistent things. So those are your three rituals. You're going to practice self-compassion. You're going to practice a little mirror work where you tell yourself, I love you, and then you're going to do one nice thing for yourself.
(20:46)
It's not about a one and done kind of situation. This isn't like a one-time event where in one day you're going to do it all and you're crushing it. This is a practice that you're going to be doing day in and day out, possibly for the rest of your life. I don't mean that as a life sentence. I mean that as something for you to do that feels good, that feels like coming home to yourself, just like stretching or yoga or going for a walk becomes somebody's regular practice or prayer or gratitude. Journaling becomes a part of you, and this is all about connecting to yourself and who better, who deserves your connection more than yourself.
(21:37)
You don't need someone else to make you feel whole or to make you feel loved. You already are. So try to do each one of these rituals once in this coming week, and if you really want to take this to the next level, or if you want to put this in practice alongside some other people and you want to talk more about this, I am hosting a three day challenge call. Love Yourself More, and it is happening February 11th, 12th, and 13th at 7:00 PM Eastern Time. That's right, it starts tonight. If you're listening to this on the day that this episode comes out February 11th, and even if you're listening to this afterwards, you can sign up at any point and join us, and I'll be happy to get you the recordings as well. You can go over to the website, forget your Ex now.com, and sign up for the challenge and join us because what I'm going to help people do is release what's holding you back from loving yourself, which might involve blocks that we have about loving ourself or myths or stories that get in the way, and then we are going to build up our self-love practices in a way that is so strong that you can be your own Valentine without feeling any loss or loneliness or despair or comparison for the upcoming holiday.
(23:15)
I want you to be your own best Valentine, and the best part about all this is it's free. I'm giving this all away to you for free so that you have these tools because your healing matters and the way that you show up in the world for yourself and for others matters, and it all starts with loving yourself. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. I hope that you will subscribe to this podcast that you will give me a review because it's really how it helps me to reach more people and share this message more and more. And also, if you feel called to share this with somebody, I hope that you will please come join me for the Love Yourself More challenge, and if this really resonated with you, you can connect with me on Instagram at Sarah Krons and drop me a DM and let me know what you thought. Until next time, I want you to remember your heart is stronger than you think. Alright, my loves and my friends take care of yourselves.